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Location: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India

Senior Assistant Editor, The Times of India newspaper

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Bush eats Rice for dinner

United States President George Bush last night ate National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice for dinner.
The President, said to be upset that the food of his choice was not prepared by his wife Barbara at the White House, summoned a Chinese chef from Washington DC late at night.
The President was at work, late through the night, clearing important files on Iraq, when Barbara rang him up on the White House intercom. Bush, obviously in a foul mood over the continuing attacks on US forces in Iraq, slammed the phone, saying, ‘Not now, baby!’
Mrs Bush interpreted that as her husband not wanting dinner and went to sleep.
The starving President summoned the chef from the nearby Chow Chang Choo Restaurant, Yuan Mo Ron, and told him he wanted Mixed Fried Rice to be made especially for him for dinner.
The chef, who has five degrees in Political Science from various universities, including Columbia, interpreted that as the President wanting to eat Condoleezza. Not wanting to irritate an already upset Bush by clarifying the facts, the chef rang up Rice and told her that the President wanted to meet her urgently at the White House.
When Rice reached the White House within minutes, the chef ordered the White House security to tie her up with ropes. He then dumped her in a huge cauldron, Asterix style, and cooked her alive.
The President, according to senior White House staff, burped after the meal and promised the chef a senior post in the administration.
Bush, at the time of going to the Press, has not been informed of the faux pas.
The Rice family is in a state of shock.


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