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Location: Mumbai, Maharashtra, India

Senior Assistant Editor, The Times of India newspaper

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Schwarzenegger to end Iraq war

United States President George W Bush is about to make an important announcement that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be appointed to a special post in Iraq.
White House officials told this correspondent the California governor was given a one-line brief: end the war in Iraq.
The officials said the only thing Schwarzenegger has been promised by Bush is a special armoured tank and a rocket launcher.
Schwarzenegger can travel to any part of Iraq he wants. He will have unlimited access.
He can do what he wants. He can sack whom he wants. He can appoint whom he wants. He can kill whom he wants.
But, he has to end the uprising following the overthrow and subsequent capture of Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.
Schwarzenegger is said to have agreed to the brief and even went to the extent of telling Bush that he would need no arms, as he had his own, to deal with the conflict.
''I will rip them apart raw, with my bare hands. Those Iraqis who do not respect my President, how dare they!'' he said.
The Terminator termed as True Lies suggestions that he was afraid to take on the Iraqi Commandos.
By The Sixth Day, he said, he would turn on the Red Heat on the infidels in Iraq.
If he failed in his mission, he stated, he would be ready for a Total Recall.
He said he was also ready to take on The Running Man Osama bin Laden.


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